The Chemicals of Love

Intimacy

Feelings of intimacy are primarily driven by and release the neurotransmitters Dopamine and Norepinephrine.

Dopamine is the primary reward chemical and responsible for a positive response to stimuli and the feeling that we should keep doing exactly what we're doing. When we abuse substances our ability to produce dopamine naturally is drastically reduced. Our brains adjust to the artificial dopamine flooding of drugs and alcohol by slowing and stopping natural production. So, we begin to experience extreme lows with no sense of reward in anything but substance use. Substance use itself also loses efficacy, so we have to use more, more often in order to just maintain. In early recovery, Dopamine levels remain low until our brains heal and re-balance themselves. When Dopamine is low, or missing, we lose the ability to feel feelings of intimacy. My personal theory is that that is why addicts so often start to isolate. We can't feel any reward in being with others any more.

Norepinephrine is an excitatory neurotransmitter and is responsible for increased energy, attention and focus. On the positive side it can create feelings of euphoria, while on the negative it can be activating and stressing enough to create anxiety and panic attacks. In terms of intimacy, Norepinephrine drives the butterflies in the stomach and inability to stop thinking about someone. Norepinephrine is decreased in the short term by depressants like alcohol, while it is dramatically increased by stimulants. With stimulants norepinephrine suffers the same fate as dopamine, we lose the ability to produce our own while using, and so experience extreme lows when not actively using.

Passion

Feelings of passion are driven by the primary sex hormones Testosterone and Estrogen, which are responsible for arousal and desire.

With Testosterone, in the short term, there is an acute increase in all sexes with consumption of alcohol and stimulants. Through a series of reactions the long term result is the same as with the neurotransmitters of intimacy, natural production slows and stops. In between using and when first getting sober, people suffer extreme lows and often have difficulties with arousal and desire. ED, low libido, and depression are common testosterone related effects of substance abuse. With opiates there is a short term decrease which can be followed by a sharp increase and what is sometimes called "rebound libido" when getting sober.

Estrogen is increased in the short term in all sexes with alcohol consumption too, though it is unclear whether there is an eventual backlash of reduced levels. Because of the increase, there is an increased risk of breast cancer in AFAB people and of erectile dysfunction in AMAB people. Estrogen is decreased in the short term with fentanyl, gabapentin and tramadol abuse which can cause vaginal dryness, painful sex and lack of desire.

Commitment

Feelings of commitment are driven by Oxytocin and Vasopressin, which are the hormones responsible for pack and pair bonding. Both are present in all sexes, but generally speaking, Oxytocin is primary in AFAB people, and Vasopressin (a primitive form of oxytocin) is primary in AMAB people. These two hormones are very similar in function, except Vasopressin's form of familial and romantic bonding tends to be more about protection and defense.

In the short term, Oxytocin levels decrease with alcohol and opiate consumption, which can create difficulties in familial and romantic bonding. Interestingly, Testosterone is an Oxytocin blocker, so Oxytocin levels decrease with higher testosterone levels and increase with lower testosterone levels.

Like Oxytocin, Vasopressin decreases with alcohol and opiate consumption, creating similar difficulties in relation to others.

Stay tuned for more about what love is and is not.