Styles of Love

According to Robert Stenberg's triangular theory of love, there are several styles of love, or ways of loving, that come from various combinations of the three parts.

If there is intimacy alone, he calls that a "liking love." Essentially the love of close friends.

If there is commitment alone, he calls that "empty love." There might be a better name for it, but it is referred to this way out of the assumption that the other two parts were present, but lost somewhere along the way.

Passion alone is called "infatuation." Some might call it lust as well.

When intimacy and passion are present without commitment, he calls that "romantic love." This is the kind of love we see in most media, the kind that takes you all the way up to the altar, but not through the next 20 years of the ups and downs of day to day life.

When passion and commitment are present without intimacy, it is called "fatuous love," which means foolish or foolhardy love. It's the kind of love Elvis talks about in the song "Fools Rush In."

When commitment and intimacy are present, Stenberg calls it "companionate love." The love of close companions.

When all three are present, he calls it "consummate love," which means a perfect or complete love. This operates under the assumption that everyone wants some balance of all three elements, which is not necessarily true.

Any individual element or combination is a valid kind of love if that's what someone wants and they are engaging that way with intention. Where we go sideways is when we are engaging in love styles that don't suit us, or that we don't actually want. We may have difficulty with one element or another and so settle for less.

Stay tuned for more about the neurotransmitters and hormones of love and how love is affected by drugs and alcohol.